Teaching Social Rules

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What do we mean by social rules or social norms, aka inferred rules? Are there really rules for social interaction? Yes. They are not absolute like, say school rules or sports rules. As SLPs and special education teachers, we often discuss what skills are important to teach in our social skills or speech therapy sessions. In their book, “the unwritten rules of social relationships,“ Temple Grandin and journalist Sean Barron present ten “unwritten rules of social relationships.” These ten rules are valuable guides to help us prioritize what to cover in individual therapy and social communication groups. If you work on life skills, you might find this post on social rules and community settings helpful.

This is the first of Grandin and Barron’s inferred rules and it’s a critical one. This can be a tough one to teach during speech therapy sessions. Why? Autistic (and many neurodivergent) students are comforted by structure and believe rules are meant to be followed. No wiggle room! That may be mostly true for rules at school and work but the rules of social interactions are highly variable. So, that’s the question. How do we teach social rules?

A Good Fit?

Aknowledge that inflexibility might be good in SOME situations (work, school) but not typically in social situations. A student that focuses on learning about animal behavior may have a leg up on becoming a wildlife biologist so we don’t want to shut this interest down. However, if they can only talk about animals in every social or work situation, that can become a problem. Using this example, tell your student that reciting animal facts is great for an oral exam but not a great match for social situations. Teach them when and where it “fits.“

2. Review “community rules” first.

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3. Differentiate between inflexible thinking that is useful versus harmful.

Teach your students to harness their personal passions, whatever they may be, and use them when it is “useful” to them. Help them understand when it is “harmful” to be inflexible, particularly in social or work situations. I often ask my students this question: “Will being inflexible about ______________ help me improve my relationship with the people involved?” Being passionate about a toy might give the autistic person pleasure and that is important but it can be harmful in say, a work situation.

4. Social rules are dependent upon who is present and where they are…remember: “people-based” and “situation-based.”

It might be ok to talk for a long period about computer programming in your computer programming class or with peers from the class. However, if you are in a different situation (school lunch) or with different peers (peers not into computer programming) it would not move you forward in making a connection with them. When students are being inflexible (talking only about their passions, being rigid about a schedule change), ask them if being inflexible is useful to them (and those around them) in this situation or harmful? During your speech therapy sessions, teaching students the tennants of social, or inferred rules, is a valuable intervention.

5. Other Skills that Support Understanding Inferred Rules

Teach them how to pick up on social cues! This is a huge part of navigating social situations! Use this set of boom cards on social inferencing during speech therapy to help teach your older students how to watch for social cues and how to react depending upon the situation. You can find them here! This prior post on teaching nonverbal communication might also be helpful.

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Help them develop a flexible mindset about inferred rules. Use video modeling and social stories, such as the one in my social rules packet, to teach students why they need to be flexible during social interactions with peers. Remind them that even though they are at school, many of the informal activities at school, (such as recess, small group interactions, lunch) will be considered social situations, where flexibility is important.

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Reinforce emotional regulation! When a student is emotionally dysregulated in front of peers, it can be damaging to how they are perceived by the peers. Peers may avoid or be overly cautious around the student. Ensure your speech therapy students are receiving necessary accommodations in the classroom to prevent emotional regulations issues. Teach them strategies and coping mechanisms so they can manage their strong emotions.

It might make more sense to students to teach social rules specific to situations/environments. For example, teach social rules pertinent to waiting rooms before the child’s MD appointment. Or, teach social rules specific to sportsmanship before the school’s “game day.” Is the student preparing for a volunteer or paid job opportunity? Teach the social rules of a job interview.